|“||Ooo, yes. Mi mooskles ar getting biggar.||”|
—Bulk Bogan in "Hard Time"
|Age||At least thousands of years old|
|Relatives|| Bob Bogan (Brother, deceased)
Son of Bogan (Son, deceased)
Bulk Bogan is a character created by Joel for his Hard Time save file. He's said to be Hulk Hogan's distant relative and implied to be both immortal and thousands of years old. Bulk had a brother, Bob Bogan and a son called Son of Bogan.
The You Testament
Not much is concretely known from Bulk Bogan's past. He first appeared chronologically in the game The You Testament, which implies that he was born around the same time. He appeared while John the Baptist was doing a baptism in a nearby river and proceeded to both meet, and attack, Jesus, though Bulk deduced that he might not be the real Jesus, as he was Caucasian. The whole excuse was for Bulk to become the new Jesus.Being Jesus would explain his ability to come back to life on no less than four occassions. After discovering that his punches had no effect he met Jesus again in the desert and once again attacked him, what he called 'The Blessing of the Nutcrack' as he repeatedly jammed his leg into the alledged Jesus' testicles. Undeterred he grabbed a nearby pipe and began to pummel Jesus once again. Demonstrating his insanity, he attacked him with a cross and then hugged him, and act which displeased Jesus greatly. Bored and having proved his point of being greater than Jesus, he left and went to explore. Regrettably, he 'died' soon after during a fight in the streets of a nearby town.
Thousands of years passed and Bulk Bogan resurfaced again in Southtown, a small town with more criminals than citizens. With little regard for protocol or niceties, he jumped a fence and entered the city's water reservoir, which he proceeded to urinate into. The local security, dumbfounded, called the police and had Bogan arrested (it is not stated how many police officers died in the attempt to bring Bogan to justice). After a quick trial he was sentenced to almost two months in Southtown Correctional Facility, a prison located in the town. Immediately upon entering the facility he tried to use the computer but upon failing he began to stare the guards down, imposing himself firmly. He proceeded to steal a machine gun straight out of a guard's hands and began to murder him, taking advantage that there were no witnesses. He was spotted by the security cameras and, ignoring them completely, went to sit down and watch television. After finishing, he went straight to the exercise yard and managed to machinegun both guards stationed there, but he was overcome and taken to court. Impossibly, further supporting the theory that he did in fact become the new Jesus thousands of years ago, was completely exonerated by the judge, while the guards received a scolding for not dealing with the situation better, all to the clear happiness of Bulk Bogan.
After being released back into the general population, he acquired a dumbbell and began to pump his muscles nearly all night before falling asleep, waking up and working out some more. He then found a small syringe and began to inject himself with it with little regard for what was inside of it, though it can be presumed to be steroids. After regaining his dumbbell he was threatened by a guard to drop the item or face charges. Bulk, in a display of unfathomable self control, agreed. He then lent the dumbbell to another inmate with glasses, more likely because he was done with it than out of love or respect. He was then waylaid by a guard and claimed to be under arrest for trading dumbbells. This case, despite clear evidence, was once again in favor of Bogan, as he was exonerated of charges once again. Back again into prison, Bulk observed how the other wardens dealt with each other for a while before accepting a bribe from one of them so that he would take the blame over asking for gang membership. Insanely enough, the same man then proceeded to ask if Bogan wanted to join a gang. During a fight with the guards, the same crazy man came up to Bulk and told him that he would accept money to take the blame, the same thing he had asked of Bulk originally. Bulk was so dumbfounded that he accepted. He then went to the exercise yard and was attacked by a friend of the warden that Bulk had killed, while the man that Bulk traded his dumbbell with before agreed to support him. This man would be the only man to earn Bulk's respect and friendship. After a quick fight, Bogan ran to exercise by bench pressing, all the while talking about his amazing 'Mooskles', though he almost worked himself to death. Bogan's friend came up to him and offered to protect him for 40 dollars, to which Bogan agreed.
Bogan observed as his friend began to tackle the entire exercise yard, as he saw everyone as an enemy of Bogan (a hypothetically true deduction), yet he did not last long against their combined efforts. Bulk showed little concern for his death, but he did cross his arms and threw gang signs in his honor while calling out "West Side Oooh". Bogan then went to steal a machine gun from the guard that killed his friend and shot him so many times that the guard lost his arm. The same inmate that attacked Bogan for killing a guard then claimed that this guard was also his friend. He put up a valiant fight but he was no match for Bulk Bogan, and offered him cash so as to leave him alone. Bogan, in a sociopathic display of intelligence, accepted the money and then attacked him anyway. Another inmate that got in the way of the fight also ended up riddled with bullets. With cold blood, Bogan returned to work out surrounded by the bodies of his enemies. He then celebrated by drinking beer and almost dying of alcohol poisoning. The cameras in the exercise yard only saw the bodies and claimed over the loudspeakers that an inmate had died in the yard and that there were no witnesses (since Bulk slew them). It was late and a guard in the main hall asked bulk rather bluntly to head to bed. Bulk was having none of that and began to pummel and attack the guard until his death, to later go sit and watch tv with the corpse nearby. After getting sleepy he tried to head back to his cell as if nothing happened, but the guard inside his cell block attacked him while Bogan tried to sleep, his murder rage satiated momentarily. The guard grabbed him and took him to court. Apparently Bulk was too sleepy to attempt and sway the judge in his favor this time, and Bogan was given an extended sentence as well as charging him 100 dollars in damages, all to Bogan's wailing of 'But the Mooskles! THE MOOSKLES'.
Back in prison he snuck right past the guard that locked him up, taunted him with gang signs then went to bed. The next day an inmate came to congratulate him on the successful murders he had commited, and was convinced by Bulk to kiss with him. Probably due to this, the same man then taunted Bulk by stating that he could never join his gang. Undeterred, Bogan found a needle and injected himself with steroids once again. He then went to the main hall and smoked a cigarrete both to relax and 'to gain sweet Sancer', which is his spelling of Cancer. Curious of trying new things, he went to the study hall and attempted to actually learn, but he was far too distracted by the guard next to him, who demonstrated his ability to levitate next to Bulk. He however was completely uncaring (probably because being the new Jesus meant he had the same power but never used it). In a final attempt at attention the guard offered his protection to Bulk, but he denied, and won an enemy as a result. Bogan attempted for a second to arrange some files for a bit of cash, but he was still too stupid to try anything. Before leaving to get some lunch and dancing for a period of time, the guard, now his sworn mortal enemy, threatened to lie and say that Bulk had commited a crime and would have him arrested unless he flushed out 100 dollars. Bulk was infuriated and tried to fight, but the guard got him in a headlock and got him before a court, which convicted him wrongly (ironic considering the number of times Bogan escaped former convictions). His rage had accumulated to the point that upon returning to jail he went insane briefly and began to blindly attack everyone in range, even people that praised him for his former murders. The resulting mayhem meant that a general riot occured, with everyone fighting everyone and explosions going off. After a gruesome battle Bogan was eventually overwhelmed and he died in the Prison's stairs while the battle continued around his body.
The Elder Scrolls: OblivionDue to the nature of The Elder Scrolls, it is unknown when and where it takes place, should one bring up the theory that Bogan can very literally rip into other dimensions. In the beginning, Bogan is seen in a prison cell, something all too common for him. The charges for his arrest are up to question, but knowing Bogan, he most likely committed genocide. He's harassed by a dark elf until guards appear, accompanied by Uriel Septim, the ruler of Cyrodiil and its people. At this point, Bogan realizes these are no normal guards. Instead, the Blades, an elite faction of servants to whom the Emperor they protect. The party remarks that Bulk's cell shouldn't be occupied, and ask him to step to the back of the wall. Surprisingly, Bogan shows submission and does as they say. Pictured is a comparison of Hard Time Bulk to TES IV: Oblivion Bulk.
The Clones of Bogan
In part 7 of the Oblivion series we are introduced to Bulk's clones (Venom Bulk and Liquid Bulk) who were created by console command magic, possibly used by the god known as Joel (slightly underwhelming name).
The initial creation of the first clone (Venom Bogan) made Bulk flip away in shock, this shock combined with the fact that he is bulk sent him into a homicidal rage as per usual where he attempted to kill his clone, after being arrested he came back to fight this clone again however the clone was ready for him in armour, both Bulk's proceeded to look into each other's empty souls then the original Bulk started punching his clone, the guard intervened however he still succeeded to kill Venom Bogan. The second bogan was Liquid Bogan, this Bogan didn't really put up much of a fight compared to the other clone however mid fight Joel used the console to make him more powerful (possibly due to mind control from the clones or another entity, this theory is explained later).The clones were not hostile until engages begging the question of if Bogan is still more evil or not and if they were summoned due to Bogan's sins, maybe manifestations of his doubt, this is also supported by the fact the dark brotherhood saw this as killing an innocent person. For one reason or another the clones seem to control the actions of joel in their creation, the other alternative theory in this regard is that he just created the clones for a gag for the entertainment of unknown and unseen beings known as followers, but this have very little evidence to support it, it is generally more believable that Bulk's clones were created by unknown forces and brought into the physical world by Joel unknowing that he is being controlled (Maglir's cloning was probably a test to see if Joel was capable of cloning a whole humanoid being, it was successful apart from the obvious dwarfism and it was Maglir so whatever entity wanted this must have been desperate since everyone loses with two Maglirs).
The Anvil guard seem to protect the clones, maybe the entity that has spawned them have bought off the guards to prevent Bogan's attempts to kill his clones, however his clones were killed, it is plausible that these clones were also tests that are precursors to a greater evil than Bogan himself.
Further proving that Bulk Bogan was both immortal and could at least feign death, he was invited onto Vinewrestle 2016 as a surprise opponent to fight Grand Dad and enter the tournament himself.
Vinewrestle 2017Bulk Bogan returned to the ring again to face off against Rev in a Hell in a Cell match, with Bulk winning due to Rev forgetting how to even wrestle and literally letting Bulk escape the cage. Later Bulk accompanied by Rev and Luigi ultimately took back the Vinebelt after defeating a maxed out, cheating Hulk Hogan in the ring.
Bulk Bogan is an extremely psychotic person with little to no empathy towards others, whether they are historically relevant (like Jesus) or inmates and guards at the Southtown Correctional Facility. He is also completely dedicated to his own body figure and will exercise many times throughout the day (an act which he calls "Pumping the Mooskles"), usually with a dumbbell or by benchpressing. He will sometimes show mercy to others if they turn out to be just as insane as him or if they admire his 'work' (which in Bogan's case is usually a pile of corpses in his room). He is domineering of others and causes natural fear amongst his cellmates, and he is a heavy sleeper. He gets easily annoyed by tiny things such as people staring at him during his sleeping sessions in between workouts or massacres, and will react with wild abandon almost instantly. He might be slightly bipolar, jumping from joy to murderous anger in an instant. He has a degree of egotism demonstrated when he demands that others stare at his "Nipplos" or his "Mooskles". He demonstrates some clear homosexual innuendos due to his pleasure of seeing others work out near him and of snuggling with him in bed or watching him sleep, but due to his insane nature he just as well could end up killing them. In spite of the above, he can maintain a facade of sanity when required, as he will convince others of his innocence despite murdering people with dozens of witnesses spectating his actions (though it could be that the other inmates and guards are simply too afraid of him to speak up against him in court).
Bulk Bogan has an extremely unique speaking ability. He usually speaks by elongating the end of words that finish with the letter 's' (Nipplesssss), and he pronounces letters individually and then connects them to form words (M O O S K L E S). This might be related to his insanity, and he does seem to speak at least somewhat similarly to his distant relative Hulk Hogan when doing promotion work (it is entirely possible that Bulk Bogan along with Bob Bogan saw his relative on television and learned how to speak only by watching him).
Bulk Bogan has a few known relatives. The first being his brother Bob Bogan, who speaks the same way yet has slight variations in height, muscle mass and clothing. Bob also seems to be more psychotic and violent than Bulk, as he murders the entire North block. Bulk's other relative is his son, who is similar in appearance but not as skilled in fighting. The last known relative is Hulk Hogan, who Bulk shares a few similarities with.
Bulk Bogan is rather tall at 7 feet and, as his namesake implies, is a well grown human male. He has a somewhat empty eyed stare and is capable of few emotions besides happiness and anger. He is balding with length, very similar to Hulk Hogan in his prime, as well as sporting a small moustache. His arms, legs and pectorals are all well defined thanks to his constant workout sessions. He is also able to handle a variety of small arms and blunt and sharp objects with relative skill, though he does seem to be most skilled with the meat cleaver, which he once used to kill an entire prison block singlehandedly. He almost never wears shirts but he does wear pants of different materials. Usually his face will get caked with blood thanks to the murders he has commited and will at no point attempt to clean them up. At one point in his past he wore a bra. Despite his ability with murder weapons he is shown to be completely idiotic, being unable to read or use a computer. In Oblivion Bulk seems to have a strange liking to Mojo, the dog in the Fighters Guild outpost/area, exclaiming 'DOGAYYY' when around the pup. His only weakness are mountain lions.
Bulk Bogan is a clear sociopath in this regard, as his main hobby seems to be to relish in the murder of others. He also has a drinking and steroid abuse problem, as he is seen indulging in both activities at regular intervals during his stay in prison, regardless of the actions of the prison guards or inmates there. He has retained some form of mental ability as he will sometimes accept money for items, though the money obtained is almost never used (he might not have any value for money).
The Bogan Theme was only Heard once on Joel's 3rd Hard Time stream. The instrumental is a MIDI of "Push it to the Limit".
Push it the limit
Get the fuck outta of my face,
Or I'll stomp on your test-ti-cles